I wasn't going to post this but then.....

A few weeks ago I asked my super awesome brother, Jordan, to take some pics of me in my parents garden for my website. I was excited to get some pics that weren't selfies!

So I get there and we are in the backyard and I feel like a total dork taking these pictures!! He's a great photographer but I felt awkward and not real. My smile felt forced and plastic. The sun was shining in my eyes which caused me to squinch (don't know if that's a word but you know when you squish your eyes because the sun is so bright, that's what I mean!) my eyes but then i was worried about my wrinkles showing! It was just a mess. At one point Jordan told me sit by the pool and just look at the water so I did. Then family showed up and I felt even more awkward so our photo shoot was over!

I patiently waited for the pics and tried not to bother him to much while he edited them and worked his magic.

He finally sent me a text saying the pics were on their way!! Eeek!! They are here!! I get to my desk, open the first email and my heart sunk.



Ummmm.

I was in disbelief.

I look so fat.

I look so chubby.

I look gross.


I can't use this pics! No one is going to want ME to help them with their own journey looking like this. I was devastated. Not only because of the pics but because I had let myself down. I had goals but during that time I had let my focus shift and wasn't as focused as I could have been.

My brother is the sweetest guy on the planet so of course he told me I looked great, I am beautiful and that I am NOT fat. Part of me is so grateful he is so supportive but part of me knows I had let myself go.

The pics were sent to me on June 17 and it's taken me almost a month to do something with them.

Two weeks ago I re-focused, started PiYO, did the 3 day refresh last week (lost 6.5lbs! woohoo!) and am now ready to look at those pics.

They are a good reminder that I have a ways to go in my journey. That I am not perfect. That I have 3 amazingly beautiful children that I grew with this body. That I am a work in progress. That I am strong despite my setbacks.

I think the most important thing these pictures have taught me is that I am human, I am a mom to 3 kids, I work full time outside the home and full time pursuing my dreams and that I am not perfect, nor will I ever be.

Stay tuned because on September 7 there will be new pics, taken in the same backyard, by the same person but the person in the pictures will be stronger, have more muscle definition and will be wearing shorts :)